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Doctor Jokes!

Doctor:  “The best thing you could do is to give up drinking and smoking, get up early every morning, take lots of exercise and go to bed early every night” 

Patient:  “What’s the second best thing?”


A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
"What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.
The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."


Doctor, doctor, I'm only four feet tall.
You'll just have to be a little patient


Doctor, doctor, I'm suffering from amnesia.
Take these pills and you'll soon forget all about it.




I asked my nephew whether he bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day.
"Yes", he said, "I bought her a belt and a bag."

"That was very nice of you", I replied, "I hope she appreciated the

He said, "So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now."


Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a bell?
Take these and if it doesn't help give me a ring!


 Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a dog.
How long have you felt like this?
Ever since I was a puppy!


I’m reading a book at the moment, it’s called "The History of Glue". I can’t put it down…







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